The “hot and happening boys” brigade of my school never approached me because I was an average looking girl. I had a wonderful circle of friends and I was focused in studies, extracurricular activities and self development. Devoid of much attention in my teens didn’t make me jealous, yet I felt bad for not being as attractive as other girls. This continued so in my college as well.
Today, after 2 years of leaving my campus education, I have started getting into limelight. I won’t say I have become more attractive with respect to the societal norms, but yes I do agree I have improved considerably not because I have grown miraculously beautiful overnight but because I have invested time and energy on myself and have reaped self awakening and self confidence. So much so that the same “hot and happening boys” brigade started chasing me out of nowhere. Starting with complimenting my pictures on social media platform, then asking me for my number, then asking me out for a date, then asking to meet over a drink and finally showering me with sassy words like “hot”, “sexy”, “nice figure”, “nice butt”, “mind blowing rear” etc.
At first I thought I should consider taking those as compliments, but sooner I realized the ugly direction this was turning towards. Suddenly being good looking became a crime! Thank god I had my senses intact, I did not fall for those words otherwise he would have had me wasted over drinks and soon gotten physical with me in no time. Who would I have blamed then? Kejriwal? Modi? Delhi Police? Imagine a female ‘complimenting’ a male for his privates. Hard to imagine? Now imagine a male ‘complimenting’ a female for her privates. Easy to imagine? There is a difference between complimenting sensibly and targeting private parts in specific. Now that I look like a fleshy hourglass figured woman, I see how the perspective has changed. I wouldn’t blame men completely for this, for they have never been opposed by females in their lives previously and this is their norm. Females must have blushed and have had hots for such sassy “compliments”, but I have never enjoyed such stinking words thrown at me, especially by those who know me only virtually or like an acquaintance. I am a human being. I have numerous strata of my own. I have many more dimensions of myself beyond my curvy figure, appealing personality or an attractive smile. I have a brain full of knowledge. I have a heart full of emotions and experiences. I have had my moments of success and failure. I am a sister, a daughter, a best friend, a fiancée. I have a strong philosophical side. I am a soul. I have a boundless existence. I am an ocean of patience and love but if you try to break me, remember I also possess the ability to represent the very famous Indian goddess to rip apart your ego so bad that you won’t stand up straight. I may not harm you directly. I may not demean you like you just did, but I surely will give you my piece of mind sooner or later. That will get you tossed down.
This makes me wonder how other females holding considerably important and prestigious positions in corporate houses or government must be dealing with similar situations. I am surprised how these men judge me on physical level. Come sit with me, have a mature conversation and let’s figure out then if you could outflank me or not. I am way beyond my physical “sexy” state. I have reached this level on the basis of my hard work, cluster of shame, chunk of failures, mindfulness, hours of study etc. I have grown out of those hardships and you have no right to belittle me by those words. I choose my credibility and attitude as my identity over my looks and figure. May you judge me on my credibility and not physique; you shall know how brainsick you have been otherwise. I wanted to meet this “sassy” mouthed guy and give him a good lesson for life. But instead of arguing with him and many others, I peacefully chose to frame this article and make it public to address a greater audience. I don’t intent to address all men here. I know there are certain sensible men reading this for which I would thank them for not being such jerks. My target is of two kinds; men who demean women and women who let men demean women. Delhi is regarded as a capital of spoilt brats, rightly so. Once someone told me- “You can find laundey here but not men (read humans)”. It is absolutely hurtful to hear such comments for a girl who belongs to Delhi since her first breath. This issue, however, leaks beyond the geographical boundaries.
Appendix: I do not intend to argue on how one should think and express. My purpose is to elucidate that nobody holds a one dimensional entity. One must not be perceived on face value (read physical value) and be termed with sassy words. I would any day love to hear compliments like “beautiful”, “smart”, “intelligent”, “nice thought” over “hot”, “sexy”, “hot”, “bomb” etc. I am also aware of the fact that by punching keys on my laptop I can only complaint and express my thoughts. But it is certain that this little ripple thus created is far better than being ignorant and accept dullard comments. I am aware that there are females who enjoy and accept such “compliments”. Remember how shamefully those common Hindi curse words have now carelessly seeped into everybody’s language? So have those sassy “compliments”. Let us re-think and re-establish our conscience to enrich the next generations. If my words make a speck in your thought process, it will be an achievement.
- – Anonymous